Comfortably Dumb
by Ub3rD4n
Summary: Terrence falls for a new girl in school, but she's not into jerks, so he enlists Mac and the gang's help in trying to look like a nice guy.


Title shot: Title in Black and white on a plaid background

Chapter 1: Brainless in Seattle

The light was dim as Mac made his way around the kitchen, still in his jim-jams, pulling milk out of the fridge for his morning cereal. He sleepily poured the milk into the bowl, added cereal, dipped his spoon and crunched in. Unfortunately for him, the crunch wasn't just made by the cereal, as Mac quickly spat his mouthful out, disgusted. "Augh! What the heck happened to the milk?' he cried. At that moment, the relatively bulky figure of his older brother Terrence jumped around the corner from where he had been skulking to laugh at him "Haha! I had to keep that thing behind the radiator for MONTHS to work that prank! Almost forgot I had it there."

"Real funny, Terrence. I wonder if Mom'll think it's that hilarious." Mac responded.

"Uh-uh-uh." Chided Terrence. "Remember the brother's oath?"

At which point both brothers raised their hand and quickly monotoned "No brother will rat out his own brother unless the authorities have already seen proof, unless he wants his brother ratting him out." With Mac adding the sullen comment of "Yeah, I remember."

"We don't want word getting out about your little freak-friend club, now do we?" Terrence added smugly.

"You'll get yours someday." Was all Mac had to say to that. Which Terrence rebuffed by giving him a severe wedgie and then walking out the door.

Terrence didn't really have anywhere to go early, he just wandered around town pretty aimlessly. He didn't have any friends, due to the fact that he was a jerk, which put most kids his age off, and a complete moron, which alienated the rest. He basically loitered around anywhere he could make a nuisance of himself. He wouldn't admit it, but he ALMOST envied Mac for having some friends, even if they were a sappy bunch of freaky-weirdo things. He generally milled around before and after school, making it home in time to watch "The Loved and the Loveless", which of course, he'd also never admit to watching. It was on one such trip that day, that Terrence discovered something unusual. Someone was following him. Terrence quickly spun around and yelled harshly "Hey! What're you doing following me?!" The girl who was following him flinched and backed away, mumbling something about "I just remembered you from class and thought…"

"Huh?" Terrence asked "You mean you weren't gonna throw water balloons at me or call me names, or trick me into thinking you like me or somethin'?"

"Uhhh., no, I'm just new and wanted someone to talk to. Does that stuff happen to you often?"

"Noooo…." Terrence said unconvincingly.

"Oh! That was a joke then? In that case, it's funny. Hi, I'm Gwen." The black-haired girl said, putting out her hand for Terrence to shake.

"I'm Terrence." He replied, giving her a high-five. "Though you may have heard of me as The Muscleator, or Captain Kickbutt Supreme."

"Actually, I remember you were the guy who thought Pythagoras was a musician."

"That's an easy mistake to make!" Terrence shouted defensively.

"C'mon, everyone knows that Pythagoras was our 79th President. Or was that…..86th?"

"How come you're following me anyway?" Terrence wanted to know.

"Like I said, I just moved here and I don't know anyone. Since we're going the same way, I figured I'd try and make a friend."

"So, you don't know anything about me, huh?" Terrence mused. "Well, I guess you should know I'm the big man around this school. Anyone tries anything round me, I'll give 'em a nuclear noogie" at this point Terrence was really getting enthusiastic and started miming the violence " and then STUFF 'em in a locker! Hahaha!"

Gwen looked appalled "You do stuff like that? What a jerk!" she admonished.

"No! No! I was lying-I mean, joking!" Terrence hurriedly tried to cover up his mistake. Gwen looked like she was staring into some other reality for a second, then laughed and said "Oh, I get it! You're funny. Well, okay, "she said, looking over to the next street, "there's my house. See you tomorrow then?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. Okay." Terrence clumsily responded. He then stood on the spot and started some heavy thinking, which, for Terrence, was any kind of thinking.

So, she likes nice guys….and she doesn't know I'm not a nice guy….and she thinks I am a nice guy……but I'm not a nice guy……but she likes nice guys…….but I'm not a nice guy…..Mac's a nice guy……but I'm not a nice guy…..but she likes nice guys…..but Mac's a nice guy…..I know Mac…..I could copy Mac…..or, even better…..

"I got it!" Terrence exclaimed, "Pizza! No, wait, even better…"

Mac and Goo walked along the road to Mac's place that day. It was Autumn, but it wasn't rainy out, just a bit windy, so Goo could afford to detour around to Mac's place to see him off. The two were laughing and recounting what had happened today to each other.

"I couldn't believe it! Bloo just kept begging Coco to lay him another paddleball, and I thought she was gonna pop him one, but instead, she just lays stuff for everyone else!" Mac exclaimed.

"And then, and then we opened ours and saw the aaawwesome cool remote-controlled fighter-jets inside, and Bloo tried to grab mine and I was all like "Nu-uh! This one's mine!"" Goo added.

"And then Eduardo opened his to find that toy squeaky lion and he RAN from it!"

"Yeah, that was an awesome day. Well, so long Mac, see ya round!" Goo called, as Mac turned off to walk into his apartment. He opened the door to find a tall silhouette waiting just inside the door. "We need to talk." Terrence said, slamming the door behind Mac.

Chapter 2: Deal With The Devil

"Whaddo you want, Terrence?" asked Mac. "Unlike you, I have homework to do."

"I have something to say to you, Mac, that sounds so strange, so ridiculous, so far-out-crazy, that you may go MAD just by hearing it!"

"What is it?" asked Mac, unimpressed.

"Uh….I forget." Terrence admitted. Mac began to walk off to his room.

"No, wait! I need your help!"

Mac stopped. "YOU want MY help?"

"Yeah. I need to be able to act like a goody-two-shoes nancy-boy like you to impress a girl."

Mac cracked up laughing. "Terrence has a girlfriend! Terrence has a girlfriend!"

Terrence hauled Mac up by the scruff of his neck. "Hey! Knock it off! I said I needed your help and you're gonna GIVE it to me!"

"You expect me to help you? After all the rotten things you've done to me? After all the noogies? After all the wedgies? After all the "Toilet Showers"?"

"If you don't help me out, I'll pound you every day of your life 'till you're thirty!"

"You already do that."

"Oh……Well-"

"Done it. Let's face it, Terrence, you already are as mean to me as you can be, so the only way you're gonna get my help is to stop being such a jerk."

Terrence considered this. "Fine. Deal. Now make with the helping!"

"I can't right now! I already told you, I got homework. How about you meet me at Fosters tomorrow after school, and I'll teach you how to be nice then."

Terrence scowled. He was already starting to dislike this deal.

Bloo bounced hyperactively down the stairs, his face filled with manic glee. He zipped into the waiting room to make sure he hadn't made a mistake. Nope. It was 3 o' clock, all right. He ran straight to the door and swung it wide open to reveal Mac.

"Hey, Mac! Coco told me about this secret treasure in the bottom of her nest! All we gotta do is clean it out and-"he gasped at this point, as he saw the hulking form of Mac's older brother looming over him, grinning his usual dumb, mean grin. Bloo panicked at this, instantly grabbed Mac and shoved him inside, slamming the door behind him and screaming "Code Tan! Code Tan! The Ogre is at the Castle Gates! Repeat! The Ogre is at the Castle Gates!"

"Wait, Bloo, I-"Mac protested, but was cut off by Coco and Eduardo running in, and Coco asking "Cococo cococo?"

"No, no! The mailman is Giant Eagle!" Bloo responded, trying to hold the doors shut.

"Coco co?"

"Terrence!"

SLAM! At that moment, Terrence managed to kick the doors open. "Knock knock!" at which Eduardo dove, screaming, under an ottoman far too small to hide him, and Coco and Bloo began wrestling Terrence to try and pin him down. "Hey!" he yelled "Get offa me, ya freaks!"

"Bloo! Coco! Stop! It's okay! I invited him!" Mac yelled.

"Coco?"

"Yes. He's here cause I asked him to be." At this, Coco and Bloo reluctantly got off Terrence, who brushed himself off indignantly, glaring at them.

"He's here because he wants me to help him be a nice guy."

Bloo and Coco just stared for a while, and then both fell on the ground laughing their butts off.

"Hey! Shut up!" Terrence yelled at them, brandishing a fist.

"No, Terrence!" Mac admonished "If I'm gonna help you, you gotta do as I say, and that means no threatening my friends!"

"But-"

"No "butt's! Now come on, guys, we got a lotta work to do." Mac said grimly, as he walked further into the house. After a short while, Bloo and Coco followed, and Eduardo got up to face Terrence, who went "Rar!" at Eduardo, in an unconvincing attempt to scare him. This was enough to get him under the ottoman again.

As the four of them wandered further into Fosters, they immediately regretted doing so. They were greeted by the grating screams of "Step up! Step up! One and all! Cower before the powers of the great Sluggini!". Slugger was dressed up in a tuxedo and top hat, and was apparently putting on a stage show for anyone unfortunate enough to be passing by. He had a stage set up in the middle of an unoccupied room, complete with table, Box of Mystery and what seemed to be a dressing cabinet with swords pierced through it. He was waving a wand about with improved vigour, now that someone was actually watching him. "Observe the hat of wonder!" he cried, fishing about in his hat for something, getting frustrated, and then tossing it on the floor only to have a very bemused rabbit wander out. "Yeah, that's what was supposed to happen!" cried Slugger grandiosely. "Now, for my next AMAZING trick, I'll require a member of the audience. "YOU young man!" he cried, pointing his wand at Terrence. "Would you be so kind as to come up to the stage?"

"Why don't you go step in front of a bus?" Terrence replied.

"Okay, Terence." Mac said sternly "Lesson number one: If someone asks you to do something nicely, you gotta do it. Even IF that person is annoying."

Terrence looked like he'd gladly pummel Mac instead, but reluctantly walked up to the stage. "Now, what's your name, son?"

"mumble"

"Horace?"

"Terrence!"

"Yeah, that's super. Now, bend down. I think I see something in your…EAR!" Slugger reached into Terrence's ear, and out came….a bunch of spiders! Terrence screamed and flailed around wildly, while Slugger, bemused, just stood there muttering to himself: "Spiders? It was supposed to be hankies. Where the heck did the spiders come from?" As he did this, Terrence knocked the dressing cabinet. It started to wobble, slowly at first, then fast, then fell, right on top of Slugger! Or would have, if Coco hadn't thought fast and jump-kicked him out of the way (disappointed?). Of course, Coco wasn't just content to save him, but also spent a good while berating him for his folly, as he lay sprawled on the floor. "Cococo cocococo! Coco, cococo cococo!"

Cut to Slugger-vision, a blurry slo-mo vision of Coco, with flowery music echoing his quite-probably-brain-damaged head.

Cut back to normal-vision. Mac and Bloo struggling to stop Terrence from totalling Slugger.

"Why are we doing this again?" Bloo asked.

"Because, Bloo. Good people don't beat people up."

"What if they've been a rip-off artist?"

"Let it go, Bloo. Come on, Terence! How bout we go outside? I'm sure it'll be easier to not beat people up there."

Terrence once again reluctantly did what was asked of him. He and the others walked off, leaving Slugger lying in a heap on the floor. "Coco….." he whispered.

Chapter 3: Rated R for Romangst

As the five (Eduardo had been found and convinced that Terrence wasn't allowed to hurt him) rested on the lawn outside Fosters, Mac contemplated the difficulty of the task that lay before him. Terrence continued to scowl at him.

"Okay, so I guess we'll start simple. REAL simple. Let's perfect "not beating people up" to begin. If you can stop yourself from beating up Bloo, we can move on to the next stage."

"Huh!" Terrence scoffed. "That'll be easy!"

"Bloo?" Mac prompted. Bloo took a deep breath and began to sing:

"This is a song that doesn't end! Yes it goes on and on my friend!"

Coco and Eduardo began chanting in at this point, Coco replacing every word with "Coco" of course.

"Some people-started singin' it, not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because-this is a song that doesn't end! Yes it goes on and on my friend!"

It took about three repetitions of this before Mac was holding Terrence back from annihilating the three of them, who seemed not to notice and just kept on singing.

"Wait, Terrence!" Mac cried. "Think about what you're doing this for!"

At this point, Terrence slowly calmed down, and put a serene look on his face. "Right. You can do what you want. You ain't getting me to do nothin'."

"Oh, yeah?" Bloo asked petulantly, and jumped onto Terrence's face and began screaming "Bleahla bleahla bleahla bleahla bleahla!" at him.

Cut to later that day, with Bloo tiredly reciting "Bleahla…pant!..bleahla….bleahla… wheeze!..man, this guy's good." Before falling off.

"See?" Terrence stated smugly. "No matter what happens I always keep my-"

"Coco!" Slugger, who seemed to have come out of nowhere, screamed. "I have long admired your beauty from afar, but now I find we have hidden our feelings from one another long enough!" he crawled over to Coco. "I've always loved you, Coco! And now we can finally kiss!" He made to do just that, but only succeeded in kissing Coco's foot, which she had put up to defend herself.

"Cococo cococo cocococo!" she shouted angrily at Slugger.

"No use hiding it! Our secret is out!" Slugger protested. Coco just responded by kicking Slugger violently away. As he rolled away, he shouted "I will win you over, Coco!" The others paused, speechless for a moment.

"Very good, Terrence." Mac stated "You've mastered not attacking others. Now we can move on to actually being nice."

Cut to the five in the kitchen, watching Jackie Khones struggle to reach an item on a shelf.

"Okay, a person is struggling to reach a high ledge." Mac explained. "What do you do?" Which Terrence responded to by laughing at Jackie.

Cut to the five seeing Duchess stopped in front of a mud puddle on the street. "Okay. A lady's about to walk over some mud. What do you do?" Which Terrence responded to by pushing Duchess into the mud and laughing.

Cut to Louise, next to a tree, quite distressed. "My imaginary friend's stuck up a tree!" she exclaimed. Cheese was, in fact, clinging to the highest branches of the tree, shouting "We're gonna take this thing TO DA MOON!"

Zoom out to see Terrence throwing a rock into the tree.

THWACK!

WHUMP!

WHUMP!

THUD!

Cut to the five watching Frankie mop one of the floors of Fosters. "Okay, Terrence. You know this one. Frankie's doing some chores. What do you do?" Which Terrence responded to by walking over and kicking the bucket of soapy water over. "Okay, I should probably have seen that coming." Mac muttered.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing, you little creep?" yelled Frankie, who was completely unamused by this.

"Wait! Sorry, Frankie! He's with me." Mac interjected. "We're TRYING to teach him how to be nice."

"Well, keep a leash on him or something!" Frankie snapped as she left the room.

"Jeez, Terrence, I dunno if I can do this." Mac admitted dejectedly. "It'd take some kinda saint to help you. Some kinda…..some kinda……………..I got it! I know who can help us!"

"Gee, I'm really the nicest guy you could think of, Mac? Well, thanks!" said (who else?) Wilt, as Mac and Bloo lead him to where Terrence was. "I'm sure that there's someone else nicer, though."

"See? That's the thing, Wilt. That right there's why you're the nicest guy I know."

"Well, thanks, but I still think-"

"Kay, that's getting annoying now, Wilt."

"Sorry."

When they reached the place where Terrence and the others were, Mac told Wilt to "Teach away."

"Gee, I dunno if I could teach someone how to be a nicer person-"

"Yeah, Mac, he looks too DUMB to teach anyone anything." Terrence snarked.

"Well, we can start with you standing up straight." Wilt said, slightly waspishly.

"I AM standin' up straight." Terrence protested.

"No, you're not." Wilt corrected. "You're standing like this," Wilt slumped over in a mockery of Terrence's posture, complete with scowl. "You should be standing like THIS." Wilt straightened up to his regular posture and bright sunny smile. Terrence mimicked Wilt's posture, and his huge smile.

"Wow, that's just creepy." Bloo commented.

"That's the spirit!" Wilt said to Terrence, ignoring Bloo's comment and giving Terrence the thumbs up, which Terrence returned. "Now, let's get into the house. You can't be nice if there's no-one to be nice TO."

Terrence and Wilt walked through the halls of Fosters, with the others trailing behind. Terrence still had that big fake grin on his face. "Now watch what I do." Wilt told him, as Jackie Khones came past. "Hey, Jackie! Great afternoon, huh?"

"Whatever."

"You gonna let him get away with that?" Terrence asked as Jackie leaved.

"Well, you gotta assume everyone's basically nice on the inside, even if they don't act it at the time. He may just be goin' through a bad day."

"So, he's not normally like that?"

"Uh, well…-hey! How bout those lessons?"

Chapter Four: A Leopard Can't Count His Spots

"So, let's move on to small talk, shall we?" Wilt asked. "Hello, Mr Herriman!" he called as the aforementioned bunny was hopping past. "Nice weather we're having, isn't it?"

"Ah, good day Master Wilt, Master Mac, Master Blooreguard, Master Eduardo, Miss Coco, Master…" Mr Herriman adjusted his monocle, trying to discern who Terrence was.

"Terrence." Mac interjected. "Don't worry. We're keeping an eye on him."

"Hm? Well, very good then. And indeed, the weather is most fine this afternoon; however it seems it may turn sour."

"But the weather report said it'd be fine."

"Ah, but there is a wind blowing from the north-east, and my leg always acts up when there is about to be rain."

"Well, what do YOU think, Terrence?"

"I think this conversation is bore-ring!"

"Now, now, Terrence, it's polite to talk about what other people want to talk about." Wilt admonished.

"But why? Other people are boring."

"Well…because it makes other people happy! And making other people happy is a reward to itself."

"Indeed, you should listen to Master Wilt, young man. You could do with learning some manners."

Terrence squinted at Mr Herriman, then launched into conversation: "Well, if you ask me it's only a matter of time until this place gets flattened by a hurricane. I was watchin' this show "Natural Disasters of the Pacific" the other day, and they said that a hurricane comes round these parts every hundred years or so."

"Why, that's preposterous!" Mr Herriman scoffed. "There hasn't been a hurricane in these parts for at least a hundred……Oh, my! We must make ready! There's so much to do! Thank you, my lad! Your early warning may have saved us all!" Mr Herriman called, hopping madly away.

"Well? I made conversation, didn't I?"

"You totally freaked Mr Herriman out." Wilt scolded. "But you made excellent small-talk, so I'm gonna let that slide."

Terrence grinned smugly at this, Mac just shook his head. Eduardo just shook. Just as Wilt was about to move on to the next lesson, Douglas and Adam came walking by, watching Crackers walking by, and furiously scribbling notes. Occasionally Adam would mutter "Fascinating!" Crackers seemed more creeped out and irritated at this as the walk progressed. As soon as Terrence saw them he screamed "Nerds!" and seemed to go into some kind of rage, making to chase after them. Luckily, Wilt thought fast and grabbed a hold of his shoulder before he could get far. This was enough, however, to set Douglas running the other way, screaming, and for Adam to pursue, yelling "Don't run, you fool! You have asthma!"

"Whoa, whoa whoa! That is NOT okay! You can't just chase people down for no reason like that!" Wilt admonished.

"They weren't PEOPLE, they were just nerds."

"This may shock you, but nerds are people too."

"Now, I KNOW you're messing with me."

"No, Terrence." Mac commented. "Strange though this may sound, some people consider ME to be a nerd."

"Okay, THAT I can believe."

"Look, the point is that you have to treat everyone with respect. Even people you don't like. It's all part of being nice." Mac concluded.

"Man, maybe I should be writing this down." Terrence said, awed at the foreign concepts before him. "So, you mean I can be as much of a jerk as I want, and nice people have to put up with it?"

"Well, yeah, but- look, Terrence, the point is to be teaching you to NOT be a jerk, remember?"

"Just seems a waste, is all. I mean, just as I find out I can do whatever I like without you goody-gumdrops hitting me-ugh!"

The "ugh!" was Terrence getting bowled over by a large red cube, which then continued to pound him on the face angrily.

"Aargh! Gettim off me!"

Mac made to do just that, but Bloo grabbed his shoulder. "Now, don't be too hasty, Mac." He cautioned, "Who are we to judge what's right and wrong?"

"Senor Rojo! Stop! Is amigo!" Eduardo yelled, jumping up and down waving his arms wildly to get Red's attention, which he did, as Red stared at him blankly in incomprehension.

"That's right, Red. Terrence is here to learn how to be a nice guy."

"Terrence…..friend?" Red asked, slowly getting off Terrence's chest and allowing him to both raise himself up slightly and also to BREATHE. "Terrence friend!" he exclaimed, and grabbed Terrence in a crushing hug.

"Why won't you guys help me?" Terrence said weakly.

"Awwww, now they is muchachos! So cute!" Eduardo remarked.

"What? Am not!" Terrence protested.

"Terrence, you created Red." Mac began yet another moralising speech. "And an imaginary friend is a big responsibility. You have to make sure they get all the attention from you they need, no matter what they do."

"Yeah, like this one time when I-"Bloo chimed in.

"NO MATTER WHAT." Mac interrupted harshly.

"So, I have to like, play with him, and junk?" Terrence asked.

"Yay! Play! Play!" Red chorused, jumping up and down.

"So, whaddaya wanna do first?" Terrence asked. "Wrestling? Army men? Go-cart racing?"

"I am not doing this." Terence said, as he sat down in a dress for an outdoors tea-party with Red, Eduardo and Coco, who were all similarly wearing dresses.

"Now, now, Terrence. Be nice." Mac said mockingly.

"How come you guys aren't doing this?"

"Because you're the one who imagined Red, not us." Mac replied.

"Besides, we've already done that this season." Bloo stated.

"You mean autumn?"

"Yeah."

"Terrence's hat has pretty flower."

"Thanks." Terrence spat.

"That's the spirit!" exclaimed Wilt.

"Pass the tea, por favour." Eduardo asked.

"Cocococo coco." Coco asked Terrence.

"What?"

"Cococo? Cococo!"

"Huh?"

"Cococo! Cococo coco-co cococo!" Coco finished, now visibly angry with Terrence.

"Coco!" came a cry from afar which defused the potentially violent situation, only to replace it with another. Slugger had returned, this time wearing a poofy, sleeveless shirt and a pompadour wig. "Tonight we dance!"

"Am I gonna have to be the one to point out that it's daytime?" Mac asked, as Slugger bore down on the group. "Why am _I_ always the one to have to point it out? It makes me look like a stick-in-the-mud!"

When he reached the table, Slugger grabbed Coco, who was, at this time, still too shocked by Slugger's outlandish appearance to resist. He then began to dance some sort of rabid tango with her. "Don't resist! Just let yourself be taken by the power of the dance!" when Coco REALLY began to struggle, he responded by saying "Oh, you prefer a quicker tempo, huh? No problem, Slugger's down with that." He then let go and performed a weird Macarena-break dance, while the others simply stared at him awkwardly. After a while, he received a tap on the shoulder. He turned around to see Terrence smiling at him in a not-so-obvious contrast to his actual mood at the time.

"Hi there!" Terrence said through his teeth. "You seem to be disturbing my friends, so I was wondering if you'd kindly leave now."

"You shall never come between us-"Slugger began to rant, but was cut off.

"Look. I'm asking you nicely. I DON'T ask people un-nicely, I just end up doing stuff that's probably the whole reason I'm being taught to be nice in the first place. Oh, and I've lived with Bloo for five years. I have experience in hurting things that don't have a skeleton."

"Uh, I think I heard, uh…one of my friends calling!" Slugger announced nervously, as he began to back quickly away.

"But you no have friends." Eduardo noted innocently.

"I mean-uh, that red headed girl. Whatsername! Yeah, I guess I must've forgotten to flush the toilet again or something! You know how she is! Well, seeyaroundbye!"

He then ran off, full speed towards the house. The other friends cheered.

"Good going, Terrence!" Wilt congratulated. "You managed to take care of the situation by just using your words! And you kept smiling through the whole thing!"

"Does that mean I'm ready to pretend to be nice?"

"About as ready as you'll ever be." Mac commented.

"Awesome!" Terrence exclaimed, and punched the air.

As Terrence and Mac were walking home from Fosters, Mac happily commented "Well, now that you've learned what it's like to have to be nice, I suppose you'll have a bit more respect for me from now on, huh?" at which point, he was hauled from the ground in a vicious wedgie.

"Hm, let's see….a-nope!" Terrence teased, and began laughing.

"But-but we had a deal!" cried Mac.

"I changed the deal. Better hope I don't change it any further."

"But what about your girlfriend?" Mac asked.

"What about her? I can act nice round her just fine now, thanks to your brainless buddies."

"And what'll you tell her you do all day? Throw eggs at Mr O'Leary's house?"

"Hey! I only did that once! A week."

"But if you say, pretend you went to Fosters every day, to visit your old imaginary friend?"

"She'd buy that?"

"Totally. She _is_ dumb enough to be going out with you, isn't she? You _will_ have to not be a jerk to me or my friends, though."

"Man, I _knew_ there'd be a catch."

Chapter 5: Meet The Imaginaries

"Wow, Terrence! I can't believe you pick your little brother up from school every day!"

"Yep! We're an unseperable pair, like uh,….Jekyll and Hyde! And those two guys on the "wassup" commercial." Terrence stated, grabbing Mac and giving him what appeared to be a playful noogie. The two of them were walking Gwen up the road to Fosters.

"So, where are we going again?" Gwen asked.

"Fosters Home For Imaginary Friends." Mac replied. "It's this cool place where abandoned imaginary friends go when their kids are too old for them, and wait to get adopted by a new kid."

"Wow! That sounds cool!"

"Yeah, I go there all the time." Said Terrence, bragging. "Every day after school. I gotta look after MY old imaginary friend, and poor widdle Maccy-poo'd be lost without me."

Mac scowled at this, but Gwen didn't notice, she was too busy looking admiringly at the smug Terrence. As the three made their way through the doors of Fosters, they saw Wilt, Eduardo, Coco and Bloo waiting for them. Bloo immediately ran up to greet Mac.

"Hey, Mac, I- guh!" Bloo was cut off by Red bowling him over accidentally on his way to Terrence.

"Terrence!" Red cried with glee, bouncing up and down. Terrence smiled at Gwen and said "This is my dopey imaginary friend, Red. He's a bit stupid, but he's a real hoot to have around." Red just kept smiling. Terrence picked Bloo up "And this is my little brother's imaginary friend, Bloo. Obviously copied from mine, but whaddaya gonna do?"

As Terrence put him down, Bloo shouted "I am NOT a copy of that big…red…blocky …thing!"

"Oh, Bloo lies all the time." Terrence stated "But he doesn't mean it, and we love him anyway, don't we, Bloo?"

Bloo just growled at this. Terrence motioned to Wilt and said "This here's Walt."

"I'm sorry, but that's-"

"Anyhow, William here is a total eyesore. He's like some massively scarred wreck. But we know he's a nice guy, and we all treat him with respect anyway."

Gwen stared at Wilt as he looked nervous.

"And this's Eduardo. Don't let the wussy posture and the smile fool you. He's capable of ripping a monster limb from limb!"

"Monster?" Eduardo asked, spooked.

"Cooool." Gwen said, staring now at Eduardo. Terrence then walked over to Coco.

"This bird, plant, thing is…uh…"

"Coco!"

"I knew that!" Terrence snapped, then remembered himself and slung an arm around Coco. "We always trade witty banter back and forth, she insults me, I say she's dumb, she calls me a psychopath.."

"Coco!" Coco shoved Terrence's arm away from her and made to walk away, only to find Slugger blocking her exit, holding up flowers(obviously ripped from the garden) and a heart-shaped box of candy. Before he could say anything, Terrence picked him up.

"And this grey guy? I've been playing him at Tetris for years!"

"Actually, I was just-gah!" Slugger replied, as he was tossed out of the room.

"So, you ready for the tour yet?" Terrence asked Gwen.

"Sure! You ready, Red?" Gwen replied, turning to red, who was examining the flowers now left on the floor.

"Red ready!" Red cried.

"Great. Then let's go!" Terrence announced, then ran off further into the house, with Gwen and Red following him. The remaining friends lingered, looking vaguely resentful.

"Nice job you did making Terrence nice there!" Bloo acidly remarked.

"I'm sorry, but some people are just _beyond _help." Wilt noted.

"Well, Terrence has been released upon the house. I hope _you're_ happy."

"Oh, come on." Mac said. "He knows he has to act good, or his girlfriend will leave him. How much harm could he possibly do?"

"Yahooooo!!" Gwen screamed with excitement as Terrence pushed her and Red on a trolley laden with blankets full speed through the halls. Just as the trolley was about to smash into a wall, Gwen launched herself off. The trolley, and Red, crashed into the wall, giving off a magnificent BANG! Red was stunned for a moment, but being made of strong stuff, got over it quickly and joined in Gwen's choruses of "Again! Again!" until Gwen finally realised something and asked "Hey, are we allowed to be doing this?"

"Sure we are!" Terrence responded. "Madame Foster's a grand old bag, and rich to boot. She lets us do whatever we want!" for emphasis, he knocked a nearby vase off of a table it was resting on, for it to go smashing on the floor.

"Cool!"

"You think that's cool, you should see the pool!" Terrence announced, at which point the three ran off again, supposedly towards the pool. A short time after, Eduardo timidly walked up to the scene, with a bucket on his head, and a mop pointed out in front of himself, like some sort of weapon.

"I hear crashing. Is everyone okay?" he asked softly, then saw the upturned and slightly bent trolley, and the marks on the wall. "Aah! A big scary monstro has come and is smashing the house! I gotta get outta here!" he made to run off, then stopped himself. "But it's already been here. If I stay here, maybe it no come back!"

"Master Eduardo!"

"Gwaah!" Eduardo jumped at this, startled. "Senor Herriman, why you scare me?"

"Master Eduardo, you know full well why. I heard the crash from all the way in my office. The trolleys are for official maintenance duties only, and are not a toy."

"But I no did this!"

"Oh, and then why do you have a bucket on your head?" Mister Herriman asked condescendingly.

"Because of the monstro! The monstro who do this!"

"Surely you take me for a fool, Master Eduardo. There is no monster in this house, Duchess notwithstanding. So I expect you to take responsibility for what you have done and clean this mess immediately. And lord help you if Miss Francis sees this." He finished rather hastily and hopped back off the way he came, leaving Eduardo to clean the mess.

"I hope the monstro no find Senor Herriman. He would get yelled at."

Mac and Bloo were walking down the halls, looking for Eduardo.

"He said something about a monster banging the walls and took off in this direction. I think. Geez, this house must be bigger on the inside or something. Why is the floor so squishy here?"

"Cool, they finally went for that indoor pool idea of mine!"

Mac slammed the door open and shouted "In the middle of someone's bedroom!"

"I know! That's way to far from the kitchen! Ergonomics, anyone?"

"Bloo, we gotta clean this up before-"

"Master Mac! Master Blooreguard! The state of this hallway is simply atrocious! Clean it up immediately!"

"But this isn't our fault!" pleaded Bloo.

"I see. Just as the exploding lavatories weren't your fault. Just as my hat being found in an extremasaur cage wasn't your fault. Just as the shattering of the windows of the ENTIRE FOURTH FLOOR wasn't your fault?!"

"So NOW you believe me about that stuff?"

"No!" shouted Mr Herriman, who hopped off angrily.

"Man, now we can't go find Terrence and get him out of the house. Why do I get the feeling that Terrence is doing this stuff on purpose?"

"Gee, Mac, why do I get the feeling that Wilt is tall?"

Chapter Six: Love Complicates All

"Whoo, I'm hungry." commented Gwen. "All that excitement takes it out of me."

"Well, we could go to the kitchen." Terrence suggested. Gwen gasped "Great idea!"

She stared blankly at Terrence for some time before it dawned on him that she expected him to lead the way, since he supposedly knew where the kitchen was. Eventually, Terrence bent down and asked Red "Uh, could you lead us to the kitchen? I got NO idea where we are."

"Kitchen!" Red responded, and bounced along happily.

"Aw, look at him!" Terrence said "he wants to lead the way cause he's excited and not cause I told him to! Ain't that cute?"

"Oh, woe!" cried Slugger. "Woe is me! Woe, woe woe!" he crawled around screeching. The only other person in the room was Smarty Pants, who was purposely NOT looking up from his book. "Oh, cruel fate! To strike down one so HANDSOME as me with the curse….of a moray!"

"You're going to keep doing that until I ask you, aren't you?" Smarty Pants said irritably.

"Why, whatever do you mean?"

"What are you babbling about?"

"Oh, you mean my solly lackie about angst and woe (and did I mention angst?)?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, that. Explain."

"I have been stricken-"

"The short version, if you will."

"I fell in love with Coco and she won't have anything to do with me."

"In love? That's your problem?"

"Yeah. It sucks. I bet Wilt and Bloo never have to worry about that sort of stuff."

"Well, I myself am no expert on the subject. Did you know that just being around a girl nets you a 60 chance of contracting cooties? You're best to stay OUT of THAT minefield."

"But I CAN'T!"

"…..You're absolutely determined to do this?"

"Determination is my middle name. Slugger Determination Freelance."

"Well, then why don't you just go and get in a fight with someone? Girls love the meat-brained, steriodic, macho type. Is there anyone who's been getting under your skin lately?"

"What? Mwa? I'm beloved by all! There's no one who- …..Wait. I have the perfect target…."

"We made it!" Terrence exclaimed.

"And Red didn't have to ask you for directions once!" Gwen noted. Red dashed into the kitchen and Gwen followed. Terrence made to follow, too, before getting a rap around the kneecaps by a cane.

"What the Sam Witch Project do you think you're doin'? You gotta lotta gumption showin' your face around HERE again, you snake in the hand!" Madame Foster scolded him.

"Hey! Quit it you crazy bat-OW!" Madame Foster kept caning him in the shins.

"Wait!" Red came bouncing back shouting. "Terrence nice guy!"

"Look!" Terrence cried, with tears in his eyes. "I'm only here cause I'm trying to act like a nice guy for my girlfriend!"

Madame Foster looked over to Gwen, in the kitchen, who, in addition to not noticing Terrence's screams of pain, was licking an ice cube from the freezer.

"Ohhhhh……." Madame Foster said, finally getting the point. "Uh, she's……very nice, dear. Well, make sure not to do any damage and I'll allow it, then. Have fun!" and with that, she hobbled off. After she was gone Terrence got up and announced "Alright! Time to do some good!" he marched right over to the kitchen and began talking to Gwen again. "So, as part of me being such a great guy and all, every day I make ALL the friends in the house lunch."

"Lunch!" Red exclaimed.

"Augh ah augh awuagh!" Gwen said supportively, distorted due to the fact that (wonder of all wonders) her tongue had become stuck to the ice cube.

"Hey everyone!" Terrence shouted "Who wants sandwiches!?"

A horde of friends came running up, led by Jackie Khones. "Somebody say 'sandwiches'?"

Wilt made his way to the kitchen, wondering where all his friends were. He knew Coco had gone outside, but he hadn't the foggiest where Mac, Bloo and Eduardo were. Maybe they were in the kitchen. Wilt walked into the kitchen to see a scene as if a bomb had hit it. There was food and dirty dishes EVERYWHERE. It looked worse than the time Slugger and Cheese had trashed the place, and there had been a FIRE then. "Well, I suppose I'd better clean this up…"

Terrence, Red and Gwen lay on the grass outside of Fosters. Red was smelling a flower, happily.

"Thanks for the help in makin' all those sandwiches, Red." Terrence commented.

"Yeah, and thanks for helping me get that ice cube off my tongue. I'm sure that piece'll grow back."

"That's okay. Red like to help friends."

"You know what's funny, Terrence?" asked Gwen.

"A cat getting chucked off a cliff?"

"No, silly! It's just that…when I first met you, I thought you were some mean bully, who liked to see baby birds get run over by monster trucks."

"That'd be awesome!...I mean, cruel."

"But in reality, you're kind…and sweet….and cool!"

"…..you really think so?"

"Of course! And you know what's the best part? You're friendship with Red. It must be great to have a friend who'll always stick by you! Always be there for you, when you're sad, or lonely, or afraid…"

"…..yeah……It must be……." Terrence whispered.

"Terrence look sad! Here, have flower!" Red said, shoving his flower in Terrence's face.

The five friends watched Terrence from the doorway out to the back yard of Fosters.

"Coco cococo?" Coco asked.

"Because he's been a jerk to us and we want revenge!" Bloo answered.

"He made us mop the entire third floor!" Mac growled.

"He make me think I be chased by a monstro!" Eduardo piped up.

"He made fun of the size of my feet!" Wilt added.

"Alright," Bloo said, "so, we sneak up on him and-"

"Outta the way! Hero comin' through!" came a voice from below, as Slugger, this time wearing a muscle shirt, pushed his way past the group in an effort to get outside. He was followed up by Douglas and Adam. "Hey, you!" Slugger yelled at Terrence.

"Any of you know what he's talking about?" Douglas asked.

"Coco."

"He called em 'clown shoes'."

"Well, regardless, this is going to be interesting!" Adam said enthusiastically.

"You're darn right it's gonna be interesting!" Bloo agreed. "What're we doing standing around here for? Let's get some good seats!" with that, he and the others ran outside.

"I'm sorry but, they're perfectly proportional to the rest of me."

"You have stood in the way of our love for too long, you big…mean…person!" Slugger yelled.

"Huh? What're you talking about?"

"I'll show you what I'm talking about!" Slugger yelled, and ripped his shirt off, and launched himself, teeth-first, onto Terrence's feet.

"Yaaah!" Terrence screamed, "They're like knives!"

At this point, Mac and Bloo were laughing their hearts out, but Red was becoming aware that Terrence was in danger. He raced to the rescue, pouncing onto Slugger and then pounding him repeatedly. Terrence did nothing to stop this, he just laughed. Red eventually stopped pounding Slugger when he was convinced he was no longer a threat and moved off his barely-conscious body. Terrence continued to laugh until Gwen shouted "TERRENCE!" then nearly tackled him.

"Are you okay? That mean gross slug-thing didn't hurt you, did it?"

"Huh? Nah! It'll take more than THAT to hurt me!"

"I think your foot is bleeding." Gwen noticed, and bent down to examine it.

Bloo, Mac, Eduardo and Wilt watched from a little way off.

"Man, for some reason, I thought for sure that Terrence would expose himself as a jerk and Gwen would dump him and everything would go back to normal until the next time Bloo screws something up."

"Sorry, Mac. Life isn't like a badly-written TV show." Wilt told him.

"Just wishful thinking, I guess."

As Gwen was comforting Terrence, Coco walked up to Slugger, still lying in agony on the ground. "Cococococo?" she asked.

"Did I impress you? I had him for a second there."

"Coco. Cocococo cococo coco. Cococococo coco co."

"Not even if-"

"Co."

"I see." Slugger said disappointedly. "Well, if that's the way you really feel, I guess I don't have any choice in the matter. Like they say: 'if you love someone, don't enslave them against their will. Cause it never works out.' At least we can still be friends?" Slugger asked.

"Cococococococo!" Coco laughed uproariously as she walked away, totally cracked up at the suggestion. Douglas and Adam closed in on him.

"So, imaginary friends can fall in love. Or at least get crushes. What a breakthrough discovery!" Douglas noted. Gwen jerked her head up to look at him and….well, cue flowery music again. She shoved Terrence aside carelessly, and then advanced on Douglas.

"Hi! I'm Gwen." She said dreamily.

"Uh, h-hi-h-h-h-" Douglas stuttered, panicked by the teenager's sudden advance.

"Wanna be my boooyfriend?" she asked, leaning in closer to him.

"I-I-I-I-….help!" he screamed, and ran off, Gwen in hot pursuit.

"Haha! Nice girlfriend, Douglas!" Adam called after him. Terrence stood there, stunned for a moment.

"I knew it!" Mac cried. "I knew you'd mess it up!"

"Oh yeah?" Terrence replied "Well, now she's gone I can go back to beating up on you! I've been saving up for a while!" Terrence made to go over and pummel Mac, and anyone else who got in his way, when someone tapped on his shoulder. He turned around to see Adam scowling at him. "Whaddo YOU want, nerd?"

"Well, I may be a nerd, and you may be a bully, but you forget one important thing."

"And what's that?"

Adam loomed over Terrence. "I'm BIGGER than you."

At which Terrence ran off crying, Red in pursuit. "Yeah, you'd better run!" Adam called after him.

"Looks like someone has issues." Mac commented. The others made to go back inside, but Mac lingered.

"What's the hold up, Mac?" Bloo asked.

"Terrence looked really upset. I'm just wondering if I should go after him."

"Well, he _is_ your brother, Mac. No matter what."

"What?!" Bloo scoffed incredulously. "Why the heck would anyone care about anyone as stupid, as selfish, as MEAN as- Mac, why are you looking at me like that?"

"Cause I know what I have to do."

Terrence sat on the lawn, crying. Red sat beside him, trying to comfort him, but being comforted just made Terrence feel like MORE of a loser, so that didn't help. Mac came walking up to him slowly.

"Look, Terrence. I just came to say….I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was a jerk to you, even IF you totally deserved it. Cause no one deserves to be heartbroken like that, not even you. And I hope that this whole thing has taught you that being nice DOES make you happier, although only around nice people. I mean, things don't have to snap back to the way it was! You could keep going to Fosters, visit Red, I mean, he IS still your imaginary friend. You could be happy…."

"You know what? You're right!"

"I am?" Mac asked, surprised.

"Yeah! I'll start being nice, for real! And I could visit Fosters, and play with Red, and you and your imaginary friends…"

"Yes! Yes you could!"

"And then I could change my name to Nancy McWusspants!" Terrence growled.

"Wuh-"

"Face it Mac! I'm a jerk, and a bully, and that's the way I likes it! You may feel all warm and fuzzy when your friends say 'I love you', but your screams of pain are all the emotional fulfilment I'll ever need!" At which point he began menacing Mac again. "None of your friends here to save you now…."

"Mac Red's friend!" cried Red, who was a little emotionally distraught at losing his friend again, and picked Terrence up, spun him around a bit, and tossed him clean over the walls!

"Red love Mac!" Red gave Mac one of his crushing bear hugs.

"Okay, Red!" Mac wheezed "I love you too!"

Gwen was walking the streets away from Fosters, muttering angrily to herself. "I was almost in with that hot college student! I dunno why that red headed girl had to toss me out. What a b-"

WHUMP!

The End

Epilogue: Red playing in the bushes around Fosters. Suddenly, the bushes rustle, and Terrence jumped out of them!

"Hey, buddy. I'm back. Look, sorry bout earlier, but I didn't realise how cool it'd be to have someone like you at my back. Pals?"

"PALS!" Red cried, hugging Terrence. "Terrence friend! Terrence friend!"

"Shhh! We can't let anyone know!"

"I knew it! Came a cry from the bushes as Bloo burst out of them and made for the house.

"Come back here!" Terrence growled, and chased after him.

"Yay! Chase Bloo!" Red cried excitedly, before following.


End file.
